Friday, 15 February 2013

The Ten CommandMEnts

It's been almost a month since my last post and for one reason or another I just haven't got round to updating my blog until now. Perhaps because my last post was my most personal and emotional yet, it took a lot to write and so I think I needed longer than usual to re-group. I'm glad I was brave enough to put my views on motherhood out there as the mere act of just writing it down for all to see has had a remarkable effect on me - I finally feel at peace on the subject and able to move on to my new, probably childless, future with serenity and good grace.

In fact, overall I feel this is a period of adjustment and re-evaluation as I have finally come to terms with the fact that this isn't just a passing blip and that I need to make the most of life coping with ME, rather than grieving for the person I was before I became ill. I have realised that just because my life has been turned upside down by this condition, there is no reason why I can't at least try to enjoy myself and have fun - I just have to be a bit more creative as socialising or even leaving the house can be quite a challenge most days. Luckily, my sense of humour is still fully functioning and in rude health, unlike the rest of me!

So with this new spirit of positivity and change in place, I have come up with some commandments to help me try and remember to live my live as best I can. A declaration of sorts that will remind me to look after my own interests for a change, instead of trying to please others all the time. I thought I would share them with you so here they are.

1. I will enjoy the simple pleasures in life more.

2. I will no longer pretend to feel better than I do.

3. I will stop blaming myself for not getting better yet.

4. I will not be ashamed or embarrassed of being ill.

5. I will not worry about what other people think of me as it is no longer my concern.

6. I will listen to my instincts and stop when my body tells me it has had enough.

7. I will not waste my time worrying about my past life or the life I have not yet lived. Instead I will make the most of the life I have now.

8. I will not get involved in the debate over whether to call my illness ME or CFS or any other name until research is done to be able to tell me what illness I actually have and how to treat it.

9. I will not worry about things I cannot control.

10. I will be thankful for the good things in my life.

Writing my commandments was not quite as dramatic as this!
I am determined to turn this chapter in my life into a positive and am going to do my best to live by these statements. I am taking a holistic approach to getting better - I have already revamped my diet and have now been referred to Fatigue Management Services to help manage my pacing (and hopefully my recovery) so now I am looking at improving my mind and how I deal with stress. I think I am going to need all the help I can get, with my Atos assessment in a few weeks plus HR wanting to 'review' my contract (throw me on the scrap heap) at work soon. Perhaps I need to glue these 10 points to every available surface in my home. I will, of course, let you know how I get on with the new, improved zen-like me. I'd love to hear if you have your own commandments you'd like to add so please leave a comment if there's something I've forgotten.

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